He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
