i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
