addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
