The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
