White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i love accidental penises.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
