I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
