You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
