I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Moan for me like Helen Keller
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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