return my video game
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
