Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
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just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
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I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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