My liver just broke up with me...
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
