my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
