I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
it was like eating out sand paper
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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