just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
