A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
