You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
