dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
