Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
