if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
