i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
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That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I am one with the molecules
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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