Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
