where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
