So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
All the doctor said was why
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
