Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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