"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle