I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE