True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
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It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
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i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"