so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join