Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
