I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
