on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
i now understand why vodka
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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