She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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