Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
