i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
