We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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