I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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