3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
