Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
