I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
