I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
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WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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