Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
