I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
God, I missed his penis.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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