so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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