so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
