also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
