he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
