The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
