i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
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I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
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As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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