I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
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Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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