is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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