no. you can't hotbox the world.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
