Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
