i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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