Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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