my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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