I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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