I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
