It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
