She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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