Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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