what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
