I heard we made out
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
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I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I forgot how hot balto sounded
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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