I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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