It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
