the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
